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2026-09-04

I stayed at Oaks Brisbane Mews Suites for one night, and I can honestly say I have never been so pleased to see a hotel checkout time arrive. The room was tired, grubby and seemingly determined to make me question every life choice that had led me there. The highlight — if you can call it that — was the shower. The plughole had collected so much hair from previous guests that, at first glance, I genuinely thought someone had left a small mouse in the drain. Sadly, it wasn’t a mouse. Just an impressive amount of other people’s hair. Either way, not something you particularly want to meet before breakfast. After showering, I dried myself, got dressed and walked through to the main living area. When I sat down, I happened to look at the bottoms of my feet and discovered they were black from the dirt on the carpet. Apparently, the room had decided to offer complimentary foot painting. Then there was the bed. Describing it as “lumpy” would be generous. It was as lumpy as a bowl of rice pudding and about as inviting. The sheets were also visibly stained with what appeared to be various bodily fluids, which isn’t exactly the sort of complimentary extra one expects when booking a hotel room. By this point, I had stopped wondering whether anything else could possibly go wrong and simply started counting down the hours until I could leave. I appreciate that this isn’t a five-star property and I’m certainly not expecting the Ritz. But cleanliness is not a luxury feature. A shower drain full of someone else’s hair, filthy carpets and stained bedding should not be acceptable at any hotel, regardless of its star rating. Perhaps “Mews Suites” is intended to evoke a sense of mystery. If so, they certainly succeeded — I spent most of my stay wondering exactly how the room had passed housekeeping inspection. One night was more than enough. I couldn’t wait to leave, and I won’t be returning.

2025-11-22

Mold in bathroom. Room smells musty. Ceiling fan keeps speeding up and slowing down. Blinds dusty. Hallways smell terrible.